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Let’s Talk About Sex (Actually Intimacy)

The Importance of Intimacy Before Being Intimate

Hey there, friend! I want to chat about something deeply personal and important – intimacy. No, not just the sex act itself but the connection that makes it truly special. Intimacy before being intimate is vital for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. And let’s be honest, the act itself is one of my favorite things in the world.

For those of you who intimacy is the absolute last thing on your mind because your plate if full. I want to challenge you to think about how free and liberating it used to be. I want you to know that NOTHING lightens a full plate like satisfying intimacy.

A Special Note for Christians

For my fellow Christians, remember that God wants you to enjoy sex. Just read the Song of Solomon; it’s all about erotic desire and deep, passionate love. Intimacy in marriage is a gift from God, meant to be cherished and celebrated. Embrace this gift and let it strengthen your bond with your spouse.

Acceptance and Appreciation

First things first, let’s talk about acceptance. Loving your partner means accepting them as they are, flaws and all. When we focus on the amazing qualities of our spouse, it creates a foundation of respect and admiration. It’s like watering a plant; the more you nurture it, the more it grows. Think about the reasons you fell in love in the first place this can bring you a new level of appreciation. Your sexual connection is in direct relation to your acceptance and appreciation of each other. When you genuinely appreciate your partner, it creates a safe and loving environment for intimacy to flourish.

Building Connection

Connection is the key to intimacy. It’s about those little moments—holding hands, sharing a laugh, or even just sitting in comfortable silence. These moments build a bond that goes beyond the physical. They create a safe space where you both feel seen, heard, and valued. When my husband and I focused on connecting, our relationship transformed. Intimacy became something we looked forward to, not just another task on the to-do list.

Fostering Intimacy

What fosters connection and intimacy? Communication is a big one. If you’re communication is strained more than likely intimacy will be strained. Working on effective, non-violent communication is key. If the silent treatment, withdrawal, nagging, disrespect,

Talk about your day, your dreams, your fears. Be open and honest. Physical touch is another. A gentle touch on the arm, a hug, or a kiss can go a long way in making your partner feel loved. Shared experiences, like trying a new hobby or cooking together, can also deepen your bond.

Intimacy begins in the mind long before it engages the body—acceptance, admiration, appreciation, and the desire to please each other form the foundation. It’s about connecting emotionally and mentally before physical intimacy deepens the bond.

For us, it’s the little things like letting a kiss linger more than ten seconds, or allowing a gentle, light touch to last the entire length of his spine. It’s having him come home to take a quick “lunch break.” These things add spice and fire. It’s a text saying, “Last night was amazing,” with a standing ovation GIF. It’s the playful banter: “I hope you’re ready for tonight,” met with a cheeky, “I don’t think you’re ready.” These small acts of love and attention keep our connection strong and vibrant.

Taking Your Time and Exploration

Another crucial aspect of intimacy is taking your time and exploring. Rushing through intimacy can make it feel like a chore. Instead, savor the moments. Explore each other’s likes and dislikes, and enjoy the journey. This not only enhances the physical experience but also deepens the emotional connection. When you take your time, you can truly appreciate and enjoy each other, making every moment special.

Intimacy Killers

Now, let’s talk about intimacy killers. Stress, resentment, and lack of communication can all dampen the flames of passion. If you’re feeling disconnected, it’s important to address these issues head-on. Don’t let them fester. Remember, it’s you and your partner against the problem, not you against your partner.

One major stressor is trying to juggle too many responsibilities. Learning to remove, delegate, and automate tasks in your life gives you the space and energy to focus on intimacy. Is being the PTO president worth having a blah sex life? You get to decide. Prioritizing your relationship and intimacy can make a world of difference.

If all you focus on is what your partner is doing wrong, it will kill intimacy quickly. Shifting your perspective to the positive aspects and acknowledging the good in your partner is crucial. When there was no connection between my husband and me, intimacy felt like a chore. Our sex used to be just plain sex, nothing amazing or extraordinary. But once we made the effort to reconnect emotionally, everything changed. Our intimacy became something I eagerly anticipated. At 50, I can honestly say this is the best sex I’ve ever experienced. Some days, it’s all I can think about the next day.

Embracing and Enjoying Intimacy

Sex should be explored, enjoyed, unpredictable, and erotic. It’s not just about the physical act but the emotional connection that comes with it. When you’re in tune with your partner, sex becomes a beautiful expression of love. My personal testimony is that when there was no connection, intimacy felt like a duty. But when my only desire was to please my husband, everything changed. Our intimate moments became extraordinary. When I focused on pleasing him completely, he asked me if I’d been practicing, which made me want to please him even more. Our sex used to be just plain sex, nothing amazing or extraordinary, but once we changed our focus, everything changed.

Sex also has incredible health and stress relief benefits. It releases endorphins and oxytocin, which can boost your mood and strengthen your bond with your partner. Regular intimacy can lower stress levels, improve sleep, and even boost your immune system. So, it’s not just good for your relationship; it’s great for your overall well-being.

I’ve been married to my husband for over 25 years, so intimacy with the same person for over 9,334 days. Being 50 years old also comes with a certain set of limitations, but it doesn’t matter—we make it work! If we can have fire and passion, you can too!

Here are two of my favorite sex coaches: Miss Jaiya—be sure to take her test for $19, it’s eye-opening—and Caitlyn V Neal. Also, I recommend these two shows: “Sex, Love & Goop” with Gwyneth Paltrow and “Good Sex” by Caitlyn (more risqué, so not for everyone).

In Summary

So, my friend, if you want to improve your intimacy, focus on building a deeper connection with your partner. Accept and appreciate them for who they are. Communicate openly and honestly. Don’t let overcommitting and always being busy, stress, and resentment kill your intimacy. Take your time and explore each other’s likes and dislikes. Embrace and enjoy each other fully. Remember, the best intimacy comes from a place of deep connection and love. Trust me, it’s worth it. Here’s to amazing, fulfilling intimacy!


Feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat more about this or anything else on your mind. We’re in this journey together, and I’m always here to support you.

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