Remember when you first fell in love?
Time just seemed to fly by. You could spend hours talking about nothing.
You were always thinking about how you could make it better.
You would interact with enjoyment and ease.
If you weren’t careful, you would obsess over the relationship. You would daydream about him often.
It all just felt right.
Then everything changed.
It became a task, one that you struggle to find joy in.
In reality, you started to dread it.
You become exhausted and overwhelmed easily.
Little things irritate and annoy you.
Those little things add up and create division.
My cousin, Kingston has lived with us for over a year. Kingston is 6 years old, autistic, and non-verbal.
Last year we hired someone to help us out in the evenings and on weekends.
The young lady we hired worked with autistic kids, but she felt stuck in her career.
She made sure he ate, fixed his lunches, and bathed him.
She did most things that were required of her, but no more. However, compared to the other candidates I interviewed, she was a solid choice.
After 9 months of working with Kingston, she enlisted in the Navy.
I was frustrated that I had to search for someone else. I didn’t want to do it. I kept putting it off, even though it had to be done.
Do you know sometimes obstacles are the way to better?
Sometimes the very thing you’re reluctant to do will bring you so much joy on the other side.
My marriage was just like our first sitter.
It barely met the minimum requirements.
I wasn’t motivated to do anything more and I wasn’t even sold that I wanted to stick around.
I was just barely hanging on, exhausted and overwhelmed.
The things that should have been enjoyable were a chore.
The spark was long gone.
I was checking the things off my list of wife duties.
I had a lackluster approach.
I was indifferent, resentful, and at times angry (side-note: our sitter was never resentful or angry this was just not her purpose in life).
I questioned if I married the right person.
I questioned if I wanted to spend the next 50 years like this.
I didn’t see a future in my marriage, so it was disappointing and uninspiring.
My search for someone to help us with our “Ausome” little one led me to another young lady. She also worked with autistic kids BUT she absolutely loved it.
On her first day I tried not to fall in love, but her passion and excitement about how she could help our baby made me excited.
She experiments with methods to get him fully potty trained and redirecting unwanted behaviors.
She unknowingly pushed me to step up my game with Kingston.
While out with friends one night when I returned my husband said, “I walked in the living room and they were having a movie night. She brought popcorn and set up a movie-watching area. You think we can adopt her?” I don’t think you can adopt a 24-year-old plus I think there are ulterior motives at play. LOL!
We’re in love! We’re in love because she’s in love.
We’re in love because she strives to be the best at what she does.
When a strategy fails, she looks for other methods to succeed.
This is how I feel about my marriage now, but it wasn’t always like this.
When I learned the tools, everything changed.
I wasn’t getting as upset and angry.
I look forward to and enjoy our time together.
I changed myself and something miraculous happened: he changed too.
When we struggle, I try other strategies and work through it.
I’m excited when I think about opportunities to grow in our marriage.
My excitement makes him excited.
I’m back in love.
Imagine if you could really feel amazing in your marriage? How would you feel about your future?
There is a difference between being IN love versus loving someone.
You want to be in love with your husband and genuinely love your life.
You want a marriage that brings you joy and peace.
You want better communication, more connectedness.
You want to feel fulfilled.
You just don’t know how to make it happen.
Many believe changing him is the only way. It’s not.
Changing him will never work. I tried for years and I’m sure you have too.
Last week, after 8 weeks of coaching one of my clients said, “I wasn’t happy before your program. I knew I had to make a change otherwise it would cost me my sanity or my marriage.”
What will not taking the next steps cost you? Your sanity? Your marriage?