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The Calm Mom Coach

Providing moms with strategies that create more ease.

Pass Out Your “No” Like Halloween Candy

It’s Friday night when you walk through the door and you feel instant relief. You’re so excited you get to rest this weekend.  You plan to do absolutely nothing! Then you remember you agreed to help with the PTO carnival tomorrow. 

You’re dreading it. You wish you could go back in time and just say “no”. 

You start mentally fighting.

Why did I say yes?  I should’ve said no!

Maybe I will just text that I can’t make it.

This could have all been avoided. 

When you said yes you knew you didn’t want to do it but you ignored your gut because “good” mothers participate in these activities.

Has some version of this happened to you? Saying yes to things you don’t want to do.  However, out of obligation or because you worry about what others will think you said “yes”.

Saying yes to things that you without a doubt want to scream “no” to brings tension and anxiety.

Part of becoming your best version is freely passing out “no” like you will pass out Halloween candy tonight.

Why you should learn the art of saying no:

  1. It puts you in full control of your life.  When you allow others to dictate or talk you into doing things you don’t want to do it brings internal distress.
  2. You’re telling yourself that you’re important. That what you want matters more than what others think of you.
  3. You learn to stop doing things for likes and acceptance. You can’t control someone else’s opinion of you so stop trying.
  4. It gives you space and time to do the things that are important to you.  Sometimes just lounging on the sofa is what you need and it’s more important than going to the event.
  5. Decreases inner turmoil and stress.

Be unapologetic with your “no”
Stop using “I’m sorry” to preface your “no”. When you apologize for your “no” it makes it feel as if you’re doing something wrong.

I see this more often with women.  Someone can bump into you at the grocery store and you will say “sorry” when it’s their fault.  Stop apologizing!

Freely passing out your “no” isn’t wrong, it’s oh so right.

Saying “no” decreases the things you add to your plate. Your maximum bandwidth is the amount of thoughts and actions you can complete and still preserve your peace and sanity. Understanding and limiting what’s added to your life is an incredible form of self-care. 

People Pleaser Warning
I’m a recovering people pleaser so I understand the inner turmoil. For people pleasers saying “no” can feel “mean” and heavy however, your peace is dependent upon releasing this thought. Stop worrying about being “mean” to others and focus on being less mean to you.

If you struggle with your “no” then pause before your “yes”. Using phrases like “let me think about it” or “I will get back to you” are great ways to pause.

Ask these questions during the pause before saying “yes”:

  • What does my gut say?
  • Would I do this if I knew no one would be disappointed at my “no”?
  • Does saying “yes” bring me more peace? If the answer is no, is it worth my peace?
  • When you say yes to one thing you’re always saying no to something else. What am I saying no to if I say “yes”?
  • Why am I saying “yes”? What’s my intent? Is it to gain acceptance? Obligation? Worried about what others will think?

The I like you but it’s still a “no” examples

Thanks for thinking of me but _________.
No thanks, I can’t ___________.

You’re telling the other person, I appreciate you but for my peace I’m declining.  

The next time give me more notice “no” examples

Since this is a last minute request I can’t _______________.
If I had more notice I could have ____________.

I use this with my kids.  Their lack of planning will not cause me more stress.  Next time they will do better or receive another no.

“No” equals more peace & less stress
If you aren’t used to saying yes then it will feel uncomfortable, maybe even stressful at first but the more you do it the better you will feel.  

There is freedom in your “no”.

It helps you build a life you love and have more peace!

As you pass out Halloween candy tonight mentally think about how you can pass out those “no’s” next week and why it’s important to make you a priority.

Need help creating less stress and more peace? Set up a call with me.

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