Almost every wife has felt some disconnection at some point in their marriage. This is normal. However, when the disconnection lasts for an extended period of time, it’s problematic.
I get it. Marriage is one of the most difficult relationships to navigate. Your husband doesn’t come with a user’s manual and neither do you.
If this disconnection has been lingering for more than six months, then this blog post is just for you.
Most wives endure it. Thinking it will eventually get better. What they soon realize is emotional distance, if left unchecked, only gets worse. They will wake up one day and feel like they are worlds apart.
Signs of Disconnection:
Being a Calm Mom isn’t just about the way you parent but also the connection with your husband. This connection affects your level of calm and impacts everyone in the home.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected for 6 months or longer. I’m willing to bet you will find yourself in one or more of these wives below.
Here are the most common struggling wives that I help in my Calm Mom Program.
The Repeating Wife
This wife constantly repeats things over and over to her husband.
She just wants to quit repeating but feels like if she stops nothing will get done.
These clients say things like, my husband doesn’t listen to me.
PROBLEM: It creates a feeling of a mother-child relationship. It’s hard to be connected and intimate when you feel like he’s another child. Her mind will constantly go to how he’s child-like in so many areas.
The Unheard Wife
Effective communication is non-existent. Conversations with him leave her feeling upset and unheard.
These clients often say, I don’t feel heard in my relationship.
PROBLEM: Feeling unheard makes her feel alone and unimportant. This erodes away at connection quickly.
The Score-Keeping Wife
At least once a week, she thinks of what he’s doing wrong. She tries to not concentrate on it but it keeps happening.
This client typically feels, my husband can’t do anything right.
PROBLEM: Who wants to connect with someone who is always on the losing team? Someone who can’t get it right. This will not make him attractive to her.
The Wife Who Does It All
She has so many things on her never-ending to-do list that she can’t think straight. He on the other hand gets to roll through life.
This client often feels like a single parent.
PROBLEM: He has life so much easier which makes her resentful and angry.
This wife has a mixture of wives (score-keeping, unheard, annoyed, and typically sexless).
The Uncoupled Wife
You either rarely go out on dates.
If you date the excitement is gone. You’re going through the dating motions. Some dates may even end on a sour note because of something that was said or done during the date.
PROBLEM: Spending quality time alone is essential to creating more intimacy and connection. When this is missing, it typically results in the marriage falling apart, even if the couple remains married.
The Annoyed Wife
It seems like everything he does annoys and irritates her. It can be as simple as a noise he makes, his laugh, how he breathes, or chews his food.
My husband annoys me constantly. Why does my husband annoy me so much? I think he actually purposely annoys me.
PROBLEM: By the time this happens, the connection is long gone. She’s subconsciously told her brain to be on the lookout for irritating things and the brain does not disappoint.
When constantly annoyed and irritated, this can eventually lead to feelings of disgust towards him.
The Distrusting Wife
He has done something in the past that has caused her to distrust him, but she decided to stay. It’s unfair to everyone in the home (especially her) for her to be present physically but not emotionally.
PROBLEM: Holding on to the past will never give her an opportunity to see what can become of the marriage.
This cycle is creating a relationship of two people who are miserable and disconnected.
The Sexless Wife
Sex is another unwanted task on her never-ending to-do list. If she’s really honest, she dreads it.
PROBLEM: No one ever looks forward to something they dread.
Many wives want to know how long can a sexless marriage last? Or will a sexless marriage survive? The better question is if she wants it to last like this.
DISCLAIMER: Not wanting sex can sometimes be caused by hormonal changes, medications, new baby, etc. If you think that may be a possible cause, consult a doctor.
These eight wives have one thing in common. Without realizing it, they are making a hard situation more difficult.
It’s just like when you’re having contractions, they tell you to stop fighting it, breathe, and relax. Otherwise, you make the pain much worse.
This is what the wives above are doing, holding their breath and fighting through the misery. They are making the pain much worse because they honestly don’t know how to fix it.
The great news about disconnection is its possible to create it again. I’ve done it and so have many of my clients.
I want to be completely transparent. There are some cases where one or both feel the damage to the relationship is irreparable. However, the worst thing you can do is stay stuck in a disconnected relationship and not figure it out.
Want to know the 8 questions to ask before communicating along with other tips? Download my Calm Mom Communication Tips.