My daughter, Leila, over the summer stayed with my sister to help with her newborn baby. She called me at the last minute about practice.
My sister lives close to Bellaire, which is about 50 minutes away without traffic. It’s also home to the absolute worst traffic in Houston.
I could have made it happen, but it would’ve stressed me. I calmly told her I wouldn’t do it. If she wants to attend practice, she must give me notice.
From that point on, she gave me ample notice. Yes, I could have moved things around and gotten her to practice, but I would encourage behavior that creates more stress and overwhelm in my life.
You move things around, rush to get your child to this unplanned practice, then the rest of your day becomes crappy.
You start thinking about how everything falls on you. Then you become angry with your unsuspecting husband. But in all actuality, this instance was self-inflicted stress and drama.
You could have said no to the last-minute notice.
You can absolutely adore and love people in your life and have solid boundaries to preserve your peace.
This is my first stress buster and life edit, just say no.
Although I’m a wife coach, I help clients with other concerns. These other concerns seep into their marriage and compound their marital problems.
Before I sit down with potential clients, I have them complete a quick questionnaire. Almost all check stress management as one of their major struggles.
It’s hard to concentrate on becoming your best version, finding peace, and up-leveling your marriage when you’re tense and inundated with tasks.
Stress is one of the leading silent life destroyers, especially for women.
It makes you feel as if you can never do enough to keep up.
Which may even cause you to question your self-worth and value.
It kills your productivity. Your Joy. Your ability to be creative and live fully.
One of my favorite shows is The Home Edit, on Netflix. Two organizers visit various homes to help reduce clutter and create a functional space.
I love this show because editing brings a sense of calm and creates mental space.
Imagine the amount of ease you can have with not just editing your physical space, but your entire life.
If you feel constantly stressed and overwhelmed, I challenge you to edit your life.
STRESS-HACK LIFE EDIT #1.
Just Say “NO!”
I’m not allowing my kids’ lack of planning to create stress and emergency for me. It’s a great lesson for them to learn.
I’m saying no to events.
I’m saying no to activities that I used to do out of obligation but aren’t important to me.
I’m saying no to some friendships that are no longer a part of my path. They are still friends but just have a different role in my life.
I’m saying no to some items, so I can say yes to all the things I love.
Don’t confuse being busy with living a full life.
Remember, when you say yes to everything, it creates exhaustion, frustration, and many times arguments.
Here are more life edits that can reshape your life and ultimately affect your marriage.
STRESS-HACK LIFE EDIT #2
Ask Yourself, “Do I really?”
This month I started using a new planner, The Monk Manual. I’m in LOVE with everything about it.
This week’s tip from Monk Manual is to ask yourself honestly, “Do I really?”.
This will help you remove things and thoughts that don’t serve you.
Stuff that adds more strain and pressure to your life.
Here are some examples…
Do I really need to discuss this issue with him again or is it a moot point?
Do I really need to volunteer for this role at church or at my child’s school?
SIDE NOTE: Someone pressuring you or even trying to make you feel guilty isn’t a good reason to accept or do anything.
Do I really need to add one more extracurricular activity for my child?
Do I really need to attend this meeting at work? Is it required? Is it necessary?
Do I really need to buy this thing? My closet, pantry, garage, and laundry room are already packed. Remember, an excessive amount of things can add to stress and overwhelm even if neatly organized.
Do I really need to continue to think about _______? Does this bring me more calm? Most of the time we are just replaying the negative situation not trying to solve it.
Before you make a decision or complete a task this week, ask yourself, “Do I really?”.
STRESS-HACK LIFE EDIT #3
Stop saying yes to things that don’t align with who you really are and your values.
This will create so much inner conflict and exhaustion.
For example, if you’re a part of an organization/circle and it doesn’t align with your true beliefs/ideology, it will drain you emotionally and physically.
As mentioned earlier, this may even mean changing the dynamic of some friendships that don’t align anymore.
You may have to make a tough decision about your current career or company.
Decide today that you will start releasing things and people that contradict who you are, what you stand for, and/or what you want.
Concentrate on doing things that ignite something in you not just doing things because you think you should.
Although this edit is more about you and less about your marriage, it can drastically impact your relationship with your husband.
If you are constantly doing things that don’t honor you. You give your power away. You will begin to feel lost and miserable. You will want him to fill a void that only you can fill.
Remember, the way you treat yourself also sets the standard for others.
There will be stressors in every marriage, but when you couple it with living in a state of constant stress and overwhelm it only makes it nearly impossible to navigate.
Next week I will share Part. 2 of this email with the final stress hacks that can help your marriage.
If you want to feel free and uninhibited, editing your life is essential.
If you want to thrive, not just survive your marriage, editing your life is vital.
Most are emotionally tied to the excess, therefore they struggle to release it.
I can help you!
The level of your stress and overwhelm determines the level of help needed.
If you’re tired of being tired. If you want more time for yourself and your marriage, we need to talk.
I can help you figure out your next steps towards less stress and more peace.